End of year report - Part 1

Another circuit around the sun completed, another year nearer death, and another 30,000 species driven to extinction. Apparently. 

And more stories with my name in the by-line taken by publishers, those filters of taste that sit between me and you, dear reader.

#1 "Planes of Illusory", in This Exquisite Topology, Angry Gable Press

Only submitted on January 2nd; by the 4th this well-travelled flash (on it's 47th submission, but it had been bought once before by a publication that evaporated shortly after) had been taken for my second appearance in an Angry Gable Press anthology.

It was published in August.

#2 "Imprex Model 5233: Instruction for Use", AnomalySF

Having sold my first story of the year so quickly, I then had to wait until late May for my second, and then it was the flashiest of flashes, barely more than a drabble. I was beginning to wonder if I'd lost my mojo. If you subscribe, you can find it here: look for its 15th June publication date.

#3 "The Black Dragon", Utopia Science Fiction

Already into the second half of the year, just my third sale came on July 19th. But at 4000 words, at least it was a proper short story, not a drabble or a flash, and at a professional rate of pay (my children get to wear shoes again!). 

"The Black Dragon" may sound like dragon-heavy swords and sorcery fantasy, but it's actually military science fiction, about soldier-droids having a sudden moment of pacifist sentience in earth's last line of defence against invading... okay, dragons. Read it in Utopia SF's August edition.

Notably, this was my one hundredth published story, and my second 'dis-qualifying' story for the purposes of the L. Ron Hubbard Writers of the Future contest. Another two 3000 word+ stories paid at over eight cents a word and I'm deemed a professional who can't enter. (Spoiler alert: see Part Two!)

#4 "Wingman(Patent Pending)" in The Big Book of Quantum Fiction, Tracy Shew

Nine days later, Tracy Shew came in for my time travel SF story, "Wingman (Patent Pending)", despite the very clear instructions in the submission guidelines that time travel was out of scope. 

Mr. Shew reminded me of this in his acceptance email:

If this snuck into our anthology it would be a mistake. A course correction. A blunt force trauma to our mission statement.

I'm confidently certain I specified "No time travel!" in the instructions. And this is classic time travel.

Now the good news: You've convinced me I may have been wrong. Yes, it is classic time travel paradox. You have obviously channeled Ray Bradbury's "The Sound of Thunder." BUT, you possibly saved yourself by your fingernails by including one genuine quantum hypothesis which has been kicked around for thirty years, and which refuses to die: The silmultaneous time streams theory, which you seem to disprove, because your ending reverts back to the grandfather paradox.

It's like you bring up the quantum theory (which should disallow the grandfather paradox) simply as justification for the Japanese inventors to sell time travel to the public as "safe." Clever.

This makes the cost of including this amazing story quite high for me. (And I'm not talking about the $24.) It would reside amongst a bunch of other stories that are like, "Yaay! Quantum theory!" Only to shout out "Boo! Quantum theory! Yaay! Einstein!"

I'm not sure what's happened to this project. Tracy said he'd be blogging on his site at least monthly, but hasn't since June, which is never a good sign. The last 'news' is from April. But contracts have been signed and payment made, so the ball's in his court and the story is for him to do with as he sees fit. I hope the anthology emerges. The last mail I had from him ended:

Thanks for instilling a touch of class in this project.

#5 "The Derring-Do Best Left Undone", in Happily Never After, Shacklebound Books

Back to the short stuff. Eric Fomley's Shacklebound Books is a repeat customer, but this drabble was selected by guest editor Kai Delmas for his twisted fairy tale anthology. I think it's worth giving you a line from his acceptance email:

I can't believe you're making me do this, but I did really enjoy your drabble and would like to accept the monster Rapunzel and her pubic hair story for Happily Never After.

Now I know you're intrigued. So am I, actually, as I'm not entirely sure what's happened to the project. Hopefully it'll appear soon.

#6 "Knights of the Spherical Table", Rat Bag Literary

A reprint, snapped up mid-August and scheduled to appear in Rat Bag Literary's first print edition in mid-March 2026. There are already plenty of stories to explore on their website.

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My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms

Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.

Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.

  

2084 - The Meschera Bandwidth

2084. The world remains at war.

In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.

The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.

Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.

Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.

24 0s & a 2

Twenty-four slipstream stories.  Frequently absurd, often minimifidian, occasionally heroic.

“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon).

Lean into the future

I'm not a member of the Science Fiction Writers of America. Not being American, it doesn't feel appropriate, even though I appreciate they are infinitely more sane and welcoming than the Leader of the Free World at the country's helm, and I possibly have sufficient publishing credits to join. I'm not even much of an SFWA-watcher, but even I've been aware of the hokey-cokey the SFWA have danced over the issue of Large Language Models (LLMs) and Nebula nominations in the last few days.

Quoting Jason Sanford's excellent Genre Grapevine column, after allowing a degree of LLM-created content:

"Wow, what a day this was for SFWA and the Nebula Awards. After only a few hours of hearing complaints from members, SFWA undid the rule change and will not NOT allow LLM-created or partially created works to be considered for the Nebulas." 

Now, I, as an example of carbon-based, wetware heavy, natural intelligence share Jason's refusal to use LLMs. But with me, it's less a principled stand and more a cocktail of inertia, unwillingness to pay subscription fees, and a Luddite suspicion of new technology, even when that technology allows me to, say, send out an average of a story submission a day to mainly overseas publications for free, using a rather scattershot strategy and philosophy of 'something will stick' that would cripple me financially if I had to do everything hard copy and snail mail.

But, a bit of me is wondering whether the SFWA's original thinking, that LLMs should be allowed to contribute, didn't have some merit.

What is it we're objecting to, here? Surely it's not so much the act of stringing one word after another (Christ, those act twos go on forever... when will this middle end!?) but the human judgement we lay over the top. Is this a compelling story? Does it work? Are the characters' actions and decisions plausible? When should I reveal the secret at the heart of the tale? What's redundant? How can I tighten it? That's what we, as writers, are frightened of, I think: having a machine beat us at the line edit. 

So, what's the issue of allowing LLM-generated content to be incorporated, if it's a human deciding whether and how to work it in? If it's raw material for us to shape and hone? The final words are still my decision.

Let me offer a reductio ad absurdum: what if a LLM creates a new word, a neologism? Does that mean I then cannot adopt that word? Even if it were the bon mot for a particular situation, the best expression for the characters and the scenario I'm the architect of, that single word would be verboten? Surely not.

But, I hear you cry, that would never happen because LLMs merely take the raw material that's out there on the interweb already. They cannot create, not in its truest, fullest sense. They cannot, by whatever digital alchemy, cook up a completely new word. (Irony warning: I asked Google whether LLMs can create a new word, and the AI overview was: "Yes, a Large Language Model (LLM) can absolutely create new words by combining existing parts, blending concepts, or generating novel combinations of sounds/letters", but I was thinking less of portmanteauing (hey, is that a word?) existing words, and more of a creating an ur-word from the ether. I'm still not convinced that's in their wheelhouse.)

It strikes me, that if we really believe that LLMs can only ever average out its range of inputs, improving on mediocrity but never coming close to the best, then we have little to fear. If we back ourselves as authors, we'll always beat the machines.

But what if the machines can use our best as a jumping-off point, to go places that we can't even dream of? What then?

One of the other hats I wear is as a human resources professional. I've always believed HR people should focus on upskilling the business to the point where the value they add diminishes and the business can run as efficiently and effectively without them. They should continually aim to make themselves redundant, mumbling under their breath, 'My work here is done'.

It's the same with LLMs. If we think there's even a possibility LLMs may produce better outcomes for readers, then we owe it to readers to give the LLMs the best possible chance of doing so, by sharing the best of what we produce for the models to learn from. We don't have weavers in cottages any more, because factories in China do it better. If we're professional, rather than hobby, authors, the logic's the same. 

So, my Christmas message to you is lean into the future. Give the machines the best of your creation so that they can give us the best of theirs. God knows they're going to take it anyway...

Happy Christmas.

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My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms

Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.

Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.

  

2084 - The Meschera Bandwidth

2084. The world remains at war.

In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.

The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.

Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.

Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.

24 0s & a 2

Twenty-four slipstream stories.  Frequently absurd, often minimifidian, occasionally heroic.

“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon).

First serial rights for a reprint?

It's been a while since I gave you a war story from the frontline of feeding the beast that is small press publishing. Putting aside my rant over Roxie Voorhees' Negative Creep project (I notice the links that worked then no longer do), this one from eighteen months ago may possibly have been the last, and it wasn't much of a war story as it was about a piece which was published by very nice people to deal with.

So, let me tell you about my Alice in Wonderland experience of dealing with Sometime Hilarious Horror, which describes itself as "a magazine that's exactly what it sounds like". It's not much of a war story, but you're welcome to it.

It's a token-paying market, but takes reprints, so back in March I thought I'd try them with "And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. That, and T-Shirt Sales", which first appeared in Mystery and Horror LLC's 'Strangely Funny IX'. I'm more than happy when a hard-to-access story gets a bit more airtime.

Come October, I had a very nice email from an assistant editor called Amy offering to publish it in a future edition. So far, so sweet.

Attached to Amy's email is a contract, written in black on a dark blue background. Slightly less sweet.

When I reformat it so it can actually be read, it all gets a bit strange. I'm not intending to give you each and every clause, but let's start with para 1a:

1. (a) The Work. This Agreement pertains solely to (insert author's name), (heretofore known as the Author)'s textual work titled "(insert title)” for publication in Sometimes Hilarious Horror (heretofore known as Magazine) as a Guest Author.

Heretofore. It means "before now". So, what this contract says is that up to now I was known as 'the Author', and by signing this I get to be called Robert Bagnall, and their previously nameless publication gets a title. 

No, what they really mean is 'hereafter'. 

I'm suspecting a liking for legalese without actually thinking through what it means, but no worries, I'll point out what's just an inadvertent word choice error. (And I'll hold my hands up to having had my bio claim or some years two short story 'anthologies' when I should have meant 'collections'. My thanks to Black Hare Press for pointing this egregious error out in a recent edit).

2. (a) The Work, heretofore known as the Work] to the Publisher for inclusion in Magazine, for publication in the English language. The rights granted under the terms of this paragraph shall be exclusive for a period of 1 year following the first date of publication under this paragraph and nonexclusive thereafter.

(b) Electronic Rights: The Author grants first world electronic print rights to the Publisher to include the Work in Sometimes Hilarious Horror, for publication in the English language. This will include distribution in pdf and epub format for subscribers, our website, and free giveaways.

The rights granted under the terms of this paragraph shall be exclusive for a period of 1 year following the release of the first digital publication.

Print Rights: The Author grants first serial print rights as of publication under this paragraph and non-exclusive thereafter...

3. (a) The Author agrees not to publish or permit others to publish the Work in the English language in the US prior to its initial publication in the Magazine.

And then there's a weird mishmash further down mixing up payments for originals and reprints.

This obviously doesn't work. You can't offer exclusivity for something that's already in circulation. You can't offer first print rights twice. I can't prevent prior publication that's already happened.

Okay, okay, I think. What they've sent me is a contract for an original piece, or a weird original/reprint mongrel, and what I need is a reprint contract. I email back, saying:

Great news, thanks. Just wanted to check that the contract (which doesn't read well on my iPad) is the right one for reprints. It mentions payments for both original and reprint stories, but I seem to be signing up to give you first print rights, which have gone.

Amy's reply:

We don’t get first print right on a reprint, but we do hold the rights for one year as stated in the contract. 

Hmmm. There's a gap between intentions and what the contract says, and even if there's only $10 at stake, I suspect the contract takes precedence and I'd like to sign up to what I have to offer. And exclusivity and first serial rights aren't on that list, but the contract clearly says these are mine to trade. 

Just so I don't need to find out what Michigan justice feels like (mighty cold, at a guess), I think I'll do them a favour and rewrite the contract so it works for reprints. I spend a bit of time on it, as a favour. A favour. They can use it for all their reprints. I may not be a lawyer, but it'll be an improvement on the word salad they're using now, I think.

I email them a redrafted contract.

Big sometime hilarious chief Wednesday Friday (is that what her birth certificate says? really?) comes back:

As our contract doesn’t work for you, we’ll be rescinding our publication offer. Thank you for your time.

A one-liner. That's it. Talk to the hand.

My last email:

Okay... but it doesn't work for any reprint.

Correspondence closed.

#

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You're here, so surely you know how?

My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms

Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.

Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.

  

2084 - The Meschera Bandwidth

2084. The world remains at war.

In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.

The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.

Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.

Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.

24 0s & a 2

Twenty-four slipstream stories.  Frequently absurd, often minimifidian, occasionally heroic.

“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon). 

Winter is coming…

…so is Christmas.

...from Black Hare Press.

#

Click on the images or search on Amazon.

You're here, so surely you know how?

My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms

Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.

Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.

  

2084 - The Meschera Bandwidth

2084. The world remains at war.

In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.

The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.

Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.

Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.

24 0s & a 2

Twenty-four slipstream stories.  Frequently absurd, often minimifidian, occasionally heroic.
“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon).

Okay, now I'm scared...

It's not as though I've only just woken up to the might, the mystery, the sheer naked power of artificial intelligence; it's just that I've been very sceptical over its inability to manage excellence, given it's mining at scale of the good, the bad, and the downright nasty inevitably leads to it spitting out the average, and the average on the internet is mediocre at best.

I've been forced to question those assumptions in the last few days when, in a moment of boredom driven by the need to do some 'paid work', I asked my AI assistant to summarise some of my own stories. It turns out it's scarily good, in terms of both tone and content.

Here's "Doctor Herzog's Collection", recently published by Graveside Press.

"Doctor Herzog’s Collection" by Robert Bagnall is a dark, psychological story that follows the narrator, Cartier, as he navigates a post-apocalyptic world ravaged by a solar event called the Pulse. The story explores themes of guilt, mental illness, and the supernatural.

Cartier, a man plagued by violent blackouts and premonitions, recounts his experiences after fleeing his troubled past in Europe to South America. ​ There, he discovers his ability to foresee the immediate future through people's handwriting, which leads to a tragic event where he fails to prevent the death of his business partner, DeSouza, during a revolution. Haunted by guilt, Cartier returns to Europe, where he is invited to dinner by his former psychiatrist, Doctor Herzog. ​

At Herzog's home, Cartier meets Darton, a wealthy but disturbed guest, and Herzog's wife. ​ During the dinner, Darton behaves inappropriately, leading to a chaotic scene. ​ Herzog, desperate for money due to bankruptcy, reveals his collection of suicide notes and proposes a wager: if Cartier can identify the one note written by someone still alive, Herzog will give him his house; if not, Cartier must provide Herzog with five million to purchase a rare addition to his collection...

I've left it unfinished, so you can all go out and buy the damn thing and find out how it ends, but suffice to say, the text reproduced above is a pithy summation of 10,000 words.

Or, there's this: "Jesus of Biggleswade", set for publication at the end of the month by Eldritch Cat Press, with the ending similarly redacted. If I told you it's on the money, doesn't it just make you want to go out and buy it?

This document presents a fictional narrative titled "Jesus of Biggleswade" by Robert Bagnall, blending elements of horror and dark humor as characters confront a zombie apocalypse.

Zombie Apocalypse in Biggleswade

• The story opens with Alison, who is in a panic as reanimated skeletons emerge from a cemetery during a sunny spring day.
• Chaos ensues in the town as people react to the undead, with some fighting back using improvised weapons.
• Alison encounters a butcher who is also battling the skeletons, and they share a moment of dark humor amidst the horror.
• The butcher reveals that the market square is a plague pit, explaining the origin of the undead.
• Alison reflects on her past as a barrister, hinting at her role in the events leading to the apocalypse.

Alison's Legal Career and McNair's Case

• Two days prior, Alison discusses a case involving McNair, who claims to suffer from a rare medical condition that causes him to appear drunk without consuming alcohol.
• She explains "endogenous ethanol fermentation" to McNair, suggesting it could be a defense against his employer's misconduct charges.
• McNair's character is depicted as somewhat comical and oblivious, contrasting with Alison's serious demeanor.

The Revelation of McNair's Identity

• McNair requests a meeting outside the office, leading to a surreal conversation by a river where he begins to preach about a deal with the Devil...

Or, my drabble about ninjas, entitled "      " (it's called "Ninjas", but you can't see proper ninjas - see what I did there?) soon to appear in Big Smoke Pulp vol 2:

The document appears to be a dialogue-driven narrative involving a discussion about ninjas, leading to a sudden and dramatic turn of events with a medical emergency.

Okay... yes, the essential elements are there, but I think there's a level of subtlety missing. I may have found AI's limit...

#

Click on the images or search on Amazon.

You're here, so surely you know how?

My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms

Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.

Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.

  

2084 - The Meschera Bandwidth

2084. The world remains at war.

In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.

The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.

Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.

Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.

24 0s & a 2

Twenty-four slipstream stories.  Frequently absurd, often minimifidian, occasionally heroic.
“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon).

 

Dr. Herzog's Collection

Something in the region of 165 million books have been published since our ancestors descended from the trees and created democracy, Sudoku, and tax loopholes. And I know what you're thinking, and I absolutely agree with you: that simply isn't enough.

So, it is with great pride, mitigated by just enough humility to remain grounded, that I announce the publication of "Dr. Herzog's Collection" by Graveside Press.

Why does the world need my retro-futurist psychological horror novella? Well, unlike the vast majority of the around-three-million books that appear each year, this one's an L. Ron Hubbard Writers of the Future finalist. So it must be good.

But exactly how good? Find out for the price of a coffee - less if you're reading off a screen. Click on the image to find retailers.

#

Click on the images or search on Amazon.

You're here, so surely you know how?

My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms

Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.

Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.

  

2084 - The Meschera Bandwidth

2084. The world remains at war.

In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.

The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.

Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.

Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.

24 0s & a 2

Twenty-four slipstream stories.  Frequently absurd, often minimifidian, occasionally heroic.
“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon).