It's not as though I've only just woken up to the might, the mystery, the sheer naked power of artificial intelligence; it's just that I've been very sceptical over its inability to manage excellence, given it's mining at scale of the good, the bad, and the downright nasty inevitably leads to it spitting out the average, and the average on the internet is mediocre at best.
I've been forced to question those assumptions in the last few days when, in a moment of boredom driven by the need to do some 'paid work', I asked my AI assistant to summarise some of my own stories. It turns out it's scarily good, in terms of both tone and content.
Here's "Doctor Herzog's Collection", recently published by Graveside Press.
"Doctor Herzog’s Collection" by Robert Bagnall is a dark, psychological story that follows the narrator, Cartier, as he navigates a post-apocalyptic world ravaged by a solar event called the Pulse. The story explores themes of guilt, mental illness, and the supernatural.
Cartier, a man plagued by violent blackouts and premonitions, recounts his experiences after fleeing his troubled past in Europe to South America. There, he discovers his ability to foresee the immediate future through people's handwriting, which leads to a tragic event where he fails to prevent the death of his business partner, DeSouza, during a revolution. Haunted by guilt, Cartier returns to Europe, where he is invited to dinner by his former psychiatrist, Doctor Herzog.
At Herzog's home, Cartier meets Darton, a wealthy but disturbed guest, and Herzog's wife. During the dinner, Darton behaves inappropriately, leading to a chaotic scene. Herzog, desperate for money due to bankruptcy, reveals his collection of suicide notes and proposes a wager: if Cartier can identify the one note written by someone still alive, Herzog will give him his house; if not, Cartier must provide Herzog with five million to purchase a rare addition to his collection...
I've left it unfinished, so you can all go out and buy the damn thing and find out how it ends, but suffice to say, the text reproduced above is a pithy summation of 10,000 words.
Or, there's this: "Jesus of Biggleswade", set for publication at the end of the month by Eldritch Cat Press, with the ending similarly redacted. If I told you it's on the money, doesn't it just make you want to go out and buy it?
This document presents a fictional narrative titled "Jesus of Biggleswade" by Robert Bagnall, blending elements of horror and dark humor as characters confront a zombie apocalypse.
Zombie Apocalypse in Biggleswade
- The story opens with Alison, who is in a panic as reanimated skeletons emerge from a cemetery during a sunny spring day.
- Chaos ensues in the town as people react to the undead, with some fighting back using improvised weapons.
- Alison encounters a butcher who is also battling the skeletons, and they share a moment of dark humor amidst the horror.
- The butcher reveals that the market square is a plague pit, explaining the origin of the undead.
- Alison reflects on her past as a barrister, hinting at her role in the events leading to the apocalypse.
Alison's Legal Career and McNair's Case
- Two days prior, Alison discusses a case involving McNair, who claims to suffer from a rare medical condition that causes him to appear drunk without consuming alcohol.
- She explains "endogenous ethanol fermentation" to McNair, suggesting it could be a defense against his employer's misconduct charges.
- McNair's character is depicted as somewhat comical and oblivious, contrasting with Alison's serious demeanor.
The Revelation of McNair's Identity
- McNair requests a meeting outside the office, leading to a surreal conversation by a river where he begins to preach about a deal with the Devil...
Or, my drabble about ninjas, entitled " " (it's called "Ninjas", but you can't see proper ninjas - see what I did there?) soon to appear in Big Smoke Pulp vol 2:
The document appears to be a dialogue-driven narrative involving a discussion about ninjas, leading to a sudden and dramatic turn of events with a medical emergency.
Okay... yes, the essential elements are there, but I think there's a level of subtlety missing. I may have found AI's limit...
My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms
Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.
Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.
2084. The world remains at war.
In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.
The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.
Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.
Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.
24 0s & a 2
“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon).
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