It's been a while since I gave you a war story from the frontline of feeding the beast that is small press publishing. Putting aside my rant over Roxie Voorhees' Negative Creep project (I notice the links that worked then no longer do), this one from eighteen months ago may possibly have been the last, and it wasn't much of a war story as it was about a piece which was published by very nice people to deal with.
So, let me tell you about my Alice in Wonderland experience of dealing with Sometime Hilarious Horror, which describes itself as "a magazine that's exactly what it sounds like". It's not much of a war story, but you're welcome to it.
It's a token-paying market, but takes reprints, so back in March I thought I'd try them with "And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. That, and T-Shirt Sales", which first appeared in Mystery and Horror LLC's 'Strangely Funny IX'. I'm more than happy when a hard-to-access story gets a bit more airtime.
Come October, I had a very nice email from an assistant editor called Amy offering to publish it in a future edition. So far, so sweet.
Attached to Amy's email is a contract, written in black on a dark blue background. Slightly less sweet.
When I reformat it so it can actually be read, it all gets a bit strange. I'm not intending to give you each and every clause, but let's start with para 1a:
1. (a) The Work. This Agreement pertains solely to (insert author's name), (heretofore known as the Author)'s textual work titled "(insert title)” for publication in Sometimes Hilarious Horror (heretofore known as Magazine) as a Guest Author.
Heretofore. It means "before now". So, what this contract says is that up to now I was known as 'the Author', and by signing this I get to be called Robert Bagnall, and their previously nameless publication gets a title.
No, what they really mean is 'hereafter'.
I'm suspecting a liking for legalese without actually thinking through what it means, but no worries, I'll point out what's just an inadvertent word choice error. (And I'll hold my hands up to having had my bio claim or some years two short story 'anthologies' when I should have meant 'collections'. My thanks to Black Hare Press for pointing this egregious error out in a recent edit).
2. (a) The Work, heretofore known as the Work] to the Publisher for inclusion in Magazine, for publication in the English language. The rights granted under the terms of this paragraph shall be exclusive for a period of 1 year following the first date of publication under this paragraph and nonexclusive thereafter.
(b) Electronic Rights: The Author grants first world electronic print rights to the Publisher to include the Work in Sometimes Hilarious Horror, for publication in the English language. This will include distribution in pdf and epub format for subscribers, our website, and free giveaways.
The rights granted under the terms of this paragraph shall be exclusive for a period of 1 year following the release of the first digital publication.
Print Rights: The Author grants first serial print rights as of publication under this paragraph and non-exclusive thereafter...
3. (a) The Author agrees not to publish or permit others to publish the Work in the English language in the US prior to its initial publication in the Magazine.
And then there's a weird mishmash further down mixing up payments for originals and reprints.
This obviously doesn't work. You can't offer exclusivity for something that's already in circulation. You can't offer first print rights twice. I can't prevent prior publication that's already happened.
Okay, okay, I think. What they've sent me is a contract for an original piece, or a weird original/reprint mongrel, and what I need is a reprint contract. I email back, saying:
Great news, thanks. Just wanted to check that the contract (which doesn't read well on my iPad) is the right one for reprints. It mentions payments for both original and reprint stories, but I seem to be signing up to give you first print rights, which have gone.
Amy's reply:
We don’t get first print right on a reprint, but we do hold the rights for one year as stated in the contract.
Hmmm. There's a gap between intentions and what the contract says, and even if there's only $10 at stake, I suspect the contract takes precedence and I'd like to sign up to what I have to offer. And exclusivity and first serial rights aren't on that list, but the contract clearly says these are mine to trade.
Just so I don't need to find out what Michigan justice feels like (mighty cold, at a guess), I think I'll do them a favour and rewrite the contract so it works for reprints. I spend a bit of time on it, as a favour. A favour. They can use it for all their reprints. I may not be a lawyer, but it'll be an improvement on the word salad they're using now, I think.
I email them a redrafted contract.
Big sometime hilarious chief Wednesday Friday (is that what her birth certificate says? really?) comes back:
As our contract doesn’t work for you, we’ll be rescinding our publication offer. Thank you for your time.
A one-liner. That's it. Talk to the hand.
My last email:
Okay... but it doesn't work for any reprint.
Correspondence closed.
My Thoughts are with You. Your Thoughts are with the Authorities for Calibration Against Societal Norms
Meet a man mistaken for a robot, a robot which learns the meaning of irony the hard way, a Frankenstein’s monster with a future in tailoring, a talking cat, a talking car, several time travellers, and a host of other characters.
Award-nominated science fiction and slipstream author Robert Bagnall’s second anthology of twenty-four stories, variously bleak, funny, bleakly funny or – very occasionally – optimistic.
2084. The world remains at war.
In the Eurasian desert, twenty-year old Adnan emerges from a coma with memories of a strictly ordered city of steel and glass, and a woman he loved.
The city is the Dome, and the woman... is Adnan's secret to keep.
Adnan learns what the Dome is, and what his role really was within it. He learns why everybody fears the Sickness more than the troopers. And he learns why he is the only one who can stop the war.
Persuaded to re-enter the Dome to implant a virus that will bring the war machine to its knees, the resistance think that Adnan is returning to free the many - but really he wants to free the one.
24 0s & a 2
“Brilliant stories, well written!” (five stars, Amazon).
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